Out the wazoo

I’m disappointed with the wealthy of the world.

Not because they aren’t generous enough, as I think most rich people probably donate plenty, if for no other reason than for tax purposes. If not, there are better people than me already hounding them about it, and I’m a firm believer in being able to do whatever you want with the money you’ve earned. So, if you’ve made a lot of money that you now want to keep and do silly things with, that’s your God-given right.

Which brings me to my point…

Rich people aren’t eccentric enough these days.

Back in the day, rich people were entertaining, damn it. You had people like Howard Hughes who collected their own urine and built planes the size of the Chrysler Building, women who kept houses under constant construction to protect them from ghosts, and even more who were in the business of importing castles brick-by-freaking-brick.

And what do we have now?

Guys like Bill Gates. Richest man in the world; most boring man in the world. You won’t catch Bill constructing a 1:1 scale model of Stonehenge, or having the world’s largest television installed in his rec room. Sure, we’ve got guys like Steve Fossett and Richard Branson, but let’s face it, stunts are pretty pedestrian these days. I mean come on, flying around the world? A guy with a lawn chair and some weather balloons can do that.

I’m excusing rich people like sports and music stars, and really anyone who’s made money as an entertainer of some kind, because while they may have talent, most of them are lacking truly inspirational eccentricities, and don’t do anything that most people wouldn’t do if they were rich, too. C. Montgomery Burns would be a fine candidate, but he is, unfortunately, completely fictional.

I’m not saying that rich people are obligated to entertain those of us in the proletariat, but it would be nice way to give back, you know? But more than anything, I’m amazed that the rich people of our generation can have this kind of money, yet be so completely bereft of imagination.

It’s a shame, really. All this cash, and half of them don’t even own so much as a hedge maze. Rest assured, however, that if I’m ever rich, people will have something to talk about.

Something like my moon base.